Coke: Great when Mixed with Bourbon or Unwanted Zygotes

Tired of wearing protection when bangin' it out? Annoyed by the
prospect of having to "pull out" instead of finishing up where God intended? If your girl can tolerate additional stickiness in the already damp area between her legs, Boston University professor Deborah Anderson may have solved your problems.

Anderson & her team of medical school colleagues recently won the Ig Nobel Prize for Chemistry by proving that Coca-Cola can serve as a capable spermicide. Additionally, Diet Coca-Cola was found to be an even more effective contraceptive than the original formula. For more on the discovery, click here.

With this in mind, what is next for the soft drink industry? Can other syrup-filled, carbonated beverages improve our world in yet to be discovered ways? Deep in the catacombs beneath an Atlanta factory, scientists are dusting off thousands of cases of Crystal Pepsi with hopes of finding the next great douche....