Trust?

The Next Great Announcer...

Internet report from 1981

As far as I know, the computer they refrence in Ohio belongs to Al Gore.

The Opposites: Apples & Oranges

Not so much opposites, but a comparison of incomparables.

Wild Sweet Orange - Ten Dead Dogs


Dolly Parton - Apple Jack (ft. Emmylou Harris and Linda Ronstadt

Sorry Tony.

This Week in PETA: Banned Superbowl Ad

Call me desensitized, but a girl rubbing a head of broccoli on her legs just doesn't do it for me anymore. Or ever.

Mother of the Year

Things you won't see me doing...

I don't know who came up with this brilliant idea, but Levi LaValle was the first to pull it off at the Winter X Games. By the way that is on a 450-pound Polaris snowmobile.

I love the Super Bowl!

No need to turn up the sound on this one guys...

Via

The Office XXX

I don't think you will be able to catch this episode on NBC...

Hittin' the Linx

One dude, two flips - Youtube
I think that may be racist - Brahsome
Romo has been giving Jessica the pork, literally - The Beer Googler
End of a G-funk era - Machchip
Fine establishments for teh Super Bowl in Tampa - Busted Coverage
Smile! No, smile don't cringe - Afrojacks
Amen Morgan, Amen - YepYep
New tv show that looks pretty funny - Vimeo
Cool music form STS9 - Youtube
Safe for work porn - Spike
Two Presidents being funny - Youtube

That's not what a desk and chair are for...

Can you guess which one is the new kid?

Give Me More Attention, NOW!

Terrell Owens has agreed to join the ranks of Flavor Flav & Brett Michaels by starring in his own VH1 celeb-reality show. Scheduled to air this summer, the program will follow the mercurial Dallas wide receiver as he attempts to re-examine his personal life. Here are some of the working titles for the series:

-"Chemotherapy: The Death of T.O. & Rebirth of Terrell Owens"

-"The Only Things I Consistently Catch Are STDs"

-"The More Pills, The Merrier: The Life of 2008 Cowboys Fans and Their Go-To WR"

-"No Soup for You: Why Donovan's Mom Won't Share Her Chunky Goodness with T.O."

-"Jeff Garcia Dates a Playboy Bunny. If His Ugly Freckled Ass Can Get A Model, You Would Think Getting T.O. the Ball Would be Easy, Right?"

This guy has some balls

Receptionist: Thank you for calling the Dog House, how may I help you?
Guy in video: I would like to make a reservation for one.
Receptionist: Okay, How long will you be staying with us?
Guy in video: I'm not sure, but I think it may be a while.
Receptionist: We look forward to seeing you soon.

This guy has nothing to live for...

...except training camp next summer. If you are not a fan of the New York Giants, then you will more than likely enjoy this video. However if you are a fan it might conjure up some bad memories. NSFW language. Get a grip fatty.

The Principal's Office: Dirty Dancing

Viva La Revolución!

The Opposites

Today our opposites are all about being cool. We will start off with a little bit of hippster-hop from the Cool Kids (I hear they are very cool). After that we have a video form somebody not very cool at all...

The Cool Kids - Basement Party

Billy Rays' Kid - 7 Things

Chris Rock's Bit On 'Tussin Was Surprisingly Prophetic

Alcohol is among the most readily available and widely abused mind altering substances on the planet. In certain countries, it is consumed daily and viewed as a dietary staple much like bread. Other cultures discourage, restrict, or forbid its use entirely. While opinions vary, everyone can agree that new ways to enjoy alcohol have rarely been seen over its 9,000 years of existence.

Today, the Lewis & Clark of booze are the followers of Southern hip-hop culture. The leader of this movement is Lil' Wayne. Throughout a documentary on the rapper shown at the Sundance Film Festival this past weekend, Wayne is seen sipping alcohol mixed with dextromethorphan (DXM). This concoction is more commonly referred to as cough syrup.

You heard me correctly...instead of visiting the ABC store after work, the artist responsible for this year's most critically acclaimed rap album heads to Walgreens to get his fix. This may be old news, but to me (an occassional listener of hip hop), it is mind blowing. What's next? Smoking bananna peels between rounds of huffing glue out of a brown grocery bag? I thought rappers loved to flaunt their money. I suddenly long for the days of Cristal, Hennessy, and Cali weed.

They do what?

Thanks to Chet Hondo for the video about our new president and his late night activities...

Her Closet Is Full of Elegant Night Gowns & Semen Stained Bathrobes

From being crowned Miss USA to appearing in numerous TV shows, Kelli McCarty has spent a good portion of her life in the public eye. Eyes will soon be seeing a "new side" of Kelli. By agreeing to star in the film, Faithless, McCarty subsequently accepted her new title of porn star. "I enjoy acting, and I really like sex...so this was the perfect opportunity to combine two of my passions," said the actress.

Normally, I have no problem with someone knowingly and willingly accepting money for sex. Whether it be a hooker, a porn star, a sorostitute with a coke habit, or the participants in a Mandingo party, I do not care how a person chooses to pay their bills, as long as I am not forced to participate or watch. However, I do have one issue with McCarty's decision...she is 39 years old! Seriously, why do porn stars over the age of 21 exist? I guess everyone has their fetishes. Look for Faithless at your nearest adult entertainment store in the section featuring clowns, midgets, excrement, and John Wayne Bobbitt.

Shocker

Seriously, what else did you expect?

NEW YORK – Police say four men were stabbed at a New York City nightclub advertising an after-party for the film premiere of "Notorious" about rapper Biggie Smalls.
Police said Saturday a 21-year-old victim stabbed numerous times was in critical condition at Brookdale Hospital. Three others were stable. The Djumbala club is in the Canarsie section of Brooklyn. Police did not immediately release further information. While the party had been promoted as the "official" after-party, "Notorious" distributor, Fox Searchlight, said it was not related.
Smalls was born Christopher Wallace and also used the stage name "Notorious B.I.G."
His debut CD, 1994's "Ready to Die," helped re-energize East Coast rap. He was killed in Los Angeles in 1997.
Via

Greensboro Cinema Evacuated After Shooting
GREENSBORO, N.C. (WGHP) – Police evacuated The Grand 18 Four Seasons Station cinemas Friday just after 9 p.m. after a shooting. According to police, a gun went off in a theater hallway. The person shot has been taken to a nearby hospital, but no information on the victim's condition is available. About 700 people were in the cinema complex at the time of the shooting. A Greensboro police officer told FOX8 News that actor Jamal Woolard, the star of "Notorious" a film about the life and death of rapper Christopher 'Biggie' Wallace, was at the theatre. According to the officer, Woolard left shortly after the shooting.
Via

Is that even street legal?

Do you know how the 44th President of the USA rolls? With pissed off GMC Yukon that will give anybody trying to take out Barry O. second thoughts. I bet JFK wishes he had one of these.

via

New Music - Kid Cudi

Check out this video from Kid Cudi, and if you like it I would suggest downloading the free mix tape here. I would highly recomend it.

A Tribute to W

Considering it is Bush's last day in office, I felt it would be appropriate to revisit one of my favorite moments of his presidency. Thank you, George W., for totally dropping the ball after Katrina and allowing Mike Myers to make one of the most memorable faces in television history. He looks like he crapped his pants while simultaneously remembering he left the oven on at home:

Picture Of The Day

Hand jobs on the dance floor = classy.

Star Wars: Retold

From the description: My friend Amanda had never seen a whole Star Wars film. When I asked her if she wanted to watch the original trilogy she said that she would, but that she already knew what happens. So I took out my voice recorder and asked her to start from the top.

Pretty much nailed it.

This Week in PETA

It seems the darling souls over at PETA are tired of people picking on the billions of pounds of heart healthy Omega-3 fatty acids in the world's many bodies of water. In another effort to brainwash our elementary school children, they've decided to try and rebrand fish as "sea kittens," because, as their website claims who would possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?

Clearly a continuation of their nofishing.net campaign, I'm not sure what to make of this. The good news is, kids and many adults in this country are so far removed from their food sources, that putting a hook through anything is the last thing on their mind. Pass the fish sticks.

Create Your Own Sea Kitten at peta.org!

Check out the new trick dude...

null - Watch more free videos

Drunkeness Gets Messy

Long story short, a highly intoxicated sorority chick is seen stumbling around a parking lot following the BCS Championship Game. Her actions, as if a mating call of sorts, immediately draw the attention of equally drunk males. After inspecting their potential blackout hook-up, the guys notice something is wrong. The picture pretty much says a thousand words (for a better view, click on the image above..warning: it's not pretty). To read a full account of the events leading up to "Oops, I crapped my leg", visit EDSBS.

Yo No Quiero Taco Bell Wedding

Don't get me wrong, I really like Taco Bell. It may be my favorite fast food restaurant. Around twice a month, I crave Nachos Bell Grandes (how in the hell do you pluralize this culinary wonder?), Chalupas, and Meximelts. Beef-like filling which closely resembles something found on the grocery store's pet care aisle instead of the meat refrigerator could not bother me less. I eat it; I enjoy it.

Despite my affinity for T-Bell, I do not care to exchange my wedding vows between the checkout counter and soft drink station. Paul and Caragh Brooks did just that in a recent ceremony. The couple, who met on the internet (big surprise there...sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm), tied the knot as the restaurant continued to serve tacos and burritos to other customers.

Since I am involved in a long term relationship (sorry, ladies) and edging closer to popping the question myself, I started to wonder how my girlfriend would respond if I suggested a Taco Bell wedding. I am pretty sure it would involve tears from her eyes followed by tears in my own, after she doused my body in Fire sauce.

Hampton Highlights Hoover High Homies*

It's 4 minutes of trick basketball footage from last summer, filmed on the rough streets of Hoover, Alabama, aka, Tha Trap. It's relevant because an agency out of Chicago recently picked up this stuff (:49) for a Hampton Inn commercial you've likely seen during SportsCenter.

The great thing is these kids are just Sophomores. Think of the potential...

*"Homies", because Shelby County has a large population of undocumented Hispanics. "Hombres" wouldn't be ironic, and that's how I roll (You see what I did there?)

A hard loss...

These two cars really took the Giants loss to the Eagles hard. I'm pretty sure that both of these cars had Eagles stickers on them, but I'm not totally sure since I wasn't there, but that is the only logical reason to do something like this. How would you like to come out of the game, walk across a frozen parking lot only to find that you Porsche has no windows, and isn't drivable. Last time I checked you can't beat a playoff win out of a car.



How did the car next to the Porsche fair you ask, not much better...

Who wants popcorn?

Below is a video courtesy of the Sacramento Kings basketball team hazing a rookie. If this video dosen't do it for you, check out these pics of the dance team from Sac-Town.

Oooops!

Dear Wake Forest,

Act like you've been there before. I'm far from a UNC fan, but I feel that you need to be called out for your over the top celebration. Last night your basketball team played a hell of a game against a Carolina team who looked a little soft. You squeaked out a win, then you rushed the court. When I first saw this happening, I looked at my boy Battlecat and asked "Really? Are they rushing the court?".

You guys came into this game ranked number 4, and you knocked off the number 3 ranked team. You should expect to beat a team ranked one position above you. I might be able to understand you rushing the court if you had a recent history comparable to that of NC State, but you are far better than that. Take a look at the calender Deacons, 1/11/09. That's right, it is still early January. All you are doing by rushing the court is waking a sleeping giant.

Sincerely,

Opie

P.S. Your Tie Dye sucks.

Fast forward to the 1:35 mark for douche baggery

Today, I am the greatest of all time...

Congratulations to Rickey Henderson on being selected as a first ballot Hall of Famer. Henderson was possibly the greatest and most dangerous lead off man to ever play the game of baseball. There are not many that can match his speed, power, and patience at the plate. Here is the Cliff's Notes of his accomplishments....

Baseball's all time leader in stolen basses, 10 time all star, American League MVP, Two time World Series champion, More than 3,000 career hits, and when he retired he was the all time leader in walks.

Nobody will ever forget how Henderson celebrated breaking the all time runs scored record(on a home run)by clearing his teammates away from the dish so he could slide into home. I wish I could have found a video or even a picture of the celebration, but apparently there are none on this here inner web. Since I was unable to find a picture of Rickey sliding into the plate on a home run you will have to check out this one, of him just after breaking Lou Brock's record for stolen bases in a career...

Oh yeah, did I mention this guy speaks in 3rd person? I can't wait for his induction speech.

A+ for A-Rod

According to eyewitness reports, Alex Rodriguez was spotted "cozying" up to Kate Hudson during dinner at a New York eatery this past week. The Yankees third baseman had been romantically linked to pop superstar Madonna since his 2008 divorce. Assuming this information is accurate, what an incredible upgrade for A-Rod.

First of all, Madonna currently looks like a cross between Iggy Pop and a geriatric Olson twin. If she remade her controversial Sex book today, it would need to include a complimentary sick bag or box of that saw dust stuff they sprinkle on vomit in elementary schools. On the other hand, Kate Hudson is still young, gorgeous, and has the genetic make-up to remain beautiful for decades to come (see: Hawn, Goldie). Since he has lost so often over the years, I say its about time A-Rod comes out victorious in some facet of life. Way to go!

Hittin' the Linx

Another Par 3 Edition:

College Football's 10 Hottest Girlfriends

Flying Without an Engine

Ticket Lottery for the Recently Announced Phish Tour

Junk in the Trunk

In severe pain , Mirela Gradinaru sought medical treatment for a condition that could be considered "rare". The 37 year old Romanian somehow lodged a can of hairspray in her anus. We're not talking about the travel-sized variety, but a large aluminum cylinder (see the x-ray photo here). I know aerosol cans are said to be harmful to our health, but this is a tad extreme. Here is the best quote from the write-up:

"This was not just a little can of deodorant, this was a massive can of hairspray," said one hospital worker.

...since I'm sure people walk into their clinic daily with deodorant shoved up their ass. Maybe it's the Romanian equivalent to America's strep throat epidemic...

Always use two fingers...

Shit gets awkward around the 0:44 mark.

Finally! Amy Winehouse's Boobs!

At first glance, I swore that was Keith Richards in a bikini, in the picture below. Then I realized it was something even better, full frontal action of Amy Winehouse! You know you want to look, and if that isn't enough to trigger your gag reflex, here are a few more.

Now I'm no Veterinarian, but I would say she definitely has fleas.

Life in the Fast Lane

Driving twice as fast as the legal posted speed limit is risky. While dangerous, moving at such high speeds provides a jolt of adrenaline on par with skydiving, bungee jumping, or any other extreme sport. Apparently Brenton Erhardt was tired of such common thrills and needed to raise the stakes to get his blood racing.

Erhardt, a 39 year old Aussie, was apprehended after driving at speeds of 147 kilometers per hour. At the time of his arrest, the driver was filming himself masturbating. To make things even worse for Erhardt, he was unlicensed and hauling two marijuana plants (and accompanying paraphenalia) when the vehicle was stopped. He also had a loaded rifle in the car.

Amazing! Australia has taken " bat shit crazy" to new levels over the past few days. Yesterday, we have some woman throwing her husband's "shrimp" on the Bar-B, now this guy gets caught "taming his dingo" while driving 150 kph in his Cheech-mobile. G'day, cellmates!

Fire Crotch Story Not Involving Lindsay Lohan

An Australian woman was charged with murder after her husband died from complications related to burns sustained on his genitals. Filled with jealous rage upon seeing him hug another woman, Rajini Narayan doused her husband's man bits with a flammable solution and set him ablaze while he slept. In addition to killing her spouse, the fire started by Mrs. Narayan resulted in over $1,000,000 of property damage to their home and neighboring buildings.

Wow, death by penis fire. I am at a loss for words. As you are sitting at the gates of heaven waiting to learn your eternal fate, can you imagine anything worse to read in your obituary than "fatal genitals fire"? Off the top of my head, the short answer would be "no". Here's hoping that something along the lines of "sex related heart failure" appears in the newspaper under my birth and death dates many, many years from now.

Happy New Year!

For those of you who haven't yet experienced a college football game, on a fall day in Knoxville, here is what you can expect...
I am fairly certain that she is Tri Delt pledge.

LubeTube

See the first few sentences of a previous post. Ditto.

Via BuzzFeed: "TV BUZZ--A Japanese game show lubes up dozens of young women in bikinis and challenges a middle aged guy to slide over their bodies. The more repressed the culture, the more perverted the television."
Well said. This entire clip is chocked full of 'WTF.'