U-S-A, U-S-A

According to a top Russian political analyst, the economic crisis in the United States will eventually lead to its demise as a nation. Professor Igor Panarin believes that increased dissatisfaction over the current financial situation will lead US citizens to uprise and split the nation into 6 separate countries. At this time, Russia would take over the position of "watch dog" to the world's markets.

So Russia will replace the United States as the world's preeminent superpower? I guess Igor has been too busy listening to national propaganda instead of following actual developments in his homeland. Russia's resurgence has been greatly exaggerated. Much like the United States and Europe, it has been hit hard by lean economic times. Unlike their US counterparts, Russian citizens are unaware of the magnitude of the situation, thanks to a government "spin strategy" which has prevented news of market woes from hitting the airwaves. Additionally, the average life expectancy of Russian males has fallen to 59 years as birth rates decline.

Yep, life in Moscow is dandy, Igor. Just because your country separated into smaller providences following the Cold War does not mean our country will suffer a similar fate. Mark my words...you will never see mail order brides going from the United States to Russia. Things are tough here, but never as bad as they will be in your icy hell hole of a country.

*Apologies for writing about such a serious topic. I found this article preposterous and had to comment. I promise more stuff about sports, boobs, music, beer, mind altering substances, etc. in the near future.