It Ain't Over Until the Wookie Sings

Do you like Star Wars, but can't get enough of the six live-action films, one animated theatrical feature, spinoff direct-to-video films, multiple past animated series, current animated series, comic books, DVD box sets, myriad of video games, rereleased DVD box sets with more CGI, scores of spinoff novels, holiday special, or action figurines? Well you, young virgin, are in luck.

The Whore of Babylon -- known legally as George Lucas -- is bringing the Star Wars magic to the stage with a two-hour live musical not too long from now on a stage not quite far, far away enough.

"'Star Wars: A Musical Journey', a two-hour live musical event featuring a Stormtrooper kick line and singing Wookies, is set to premiere on April 10 in London's O2 arena."

"After the stage show in London, "Star Wars: A Musical Journey" will embark on a European tour, complete with an exhibition of rare Star Wars collectibles, including never-before-seen models, props, costumes and production artwork."

A Stormtrooper kick line? Singing Wookies? Finally, a Broadway show that isn't completely, head-over-heels gay.

Meanwhile, the gods on Mt. Olympus, clearly very angry with Lucas and his massive residual wealth (rivaling their own), have cursed the hubris-filled mortal to a lifetime of shame. With nothing left to control but the mortal's physical appearance, the gods issued a decree many years ago that his beard shall never grow nor ever be cut, and his burgeoning face and jowls shall grow around cursed beard for the rest of his days on earth.