Are you ready?

The World Cup starts this week. Even if you don't give a tea and crumpet about "the beautiful game", tune in on Saturday at 2:30 ET to watch your apple-pie-eatin' boys either implode or pull off a stunning upset against England, ultimately triggering events that will lead to America's third war (and counting!) possibly ruining relations with our greatest world ally and potentially ripping to shreds what remains of the fabric of our modern, civilized (?) Western world.